The Diary Of A Queen
by Guardian of Imagination
Summary: Lucy gets an unexpected gift from her brother Peter, it's a diary, and inside is a letter written from him. It explains what he wants her to do with it and why. Lucy pours out her feelings, insecurities, doubts, and thoughts. She writes about her siblings dwindling faith in Aslan and how they themselves have changed. She knows Aslan will bring them back home... to Narnia.
1. Prologe

**_Hi! I just wanted to thank you for stopping to read my story. This is my first time writing a story for fanfiction, so please be gentle with me. This is just the letter that Peter wrote to Lucy, the one inside her diary (read summary). I wont be able to update every day but I shall try my best. Please let me know what you think of it and if it's even worth the time. This takes place after the Pevensies leave Mr. Kirkes's house and are at home._**

**_I don't own The Chronicles of Narnia or any of the characters, just the plot. All rights go to the brilliant C.S Lewis. _**

_Dear Lucy,_

_I don't think any of us expected to leave Narnia so soon, I know I didn't. You are now ten again, although I know inside you are nearly twenty-one. Mum and Dad will never understand what we have been through, that is why we must keep everything a secret, and try to act like the children we once were, or are, before we went inside the wardrobe. I know it will be hard, but in the name of Aslan you must try. I,like Susan and Edmund will have to deal with it too, being treated like a kid when you are really an adult on the inside. I hope you never forget our reign and many adventures in Narnia, that is why I am giving you this diary, so you may write too your heart's content just as you did at home. Fill it with you memories, hopes, and dreams for the future. I don't know if Aslan will ever let us go back to Narnia, or if he does how long the wait will be, but never forget who you really are Lucy. You are Queen Lucy the Valiant, and always will be. Just as the great lion Aslan said on our coronation day, "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia". I love you my dear sister, and always will, I will be here for you till the end. _

_Your Brother,_

_High King Peter_


	2. A Horrible Evening

**I felt really bad for leaving you with that horrible beginning, I apologize for it. I decided to upload this next chapter, (well the official first chapter). Although I will not be uploading every single day, (even though I did today), this was just a one time thing. Please read on.**

"Lucy is that you?"

I heard the voice of my mother coming from the kitchen, I silently closed the front door behind me. Edmund looked up from the couch in the living room, and gave me a small smile, I returned it then proceeded to walk into the kitchen, the smell of our dinner filled my nose.

"Yes, it's me mum".

"So how did your playdate go, with Natalie?"

I winced this wasn't the conversation I wanted to have with her, ever since we had come back from Narnia my perspective of things greatly changed. I no longer viewed the topics "normal" ten year old girls had interesting, I would have better conversations with their parents. But of course I had to act like I was still the same Lucy, a sweet, innocent, little girl who had no interest in astronomy, mathematics or mythology. I sighed, biting my tongue to the truth.

"It was fun, she's a really nice girl".

She turned to me a huge grin on her face, it killed me inside, "That's great honey", she said giving me the biggest hug, "I knew you would have fun".

I merely nodded my head, "I'm really tired, can I go rest for a while upstairs?"

"Of course honey, dinner will be ready soon", giving me a small kiss on my forehead, she went back to making dinner. The smile still visible on her face.

I headed up the stairs, it was a slow process, we have a huge staircase. I was no longer able to take them two at a time like I did in Cair Paravel, my legs were too short. It fustrated me to no end that I could no longer do the things that I love to do, it had only been a month since we left Profesor Kirke's house, but it's seemed like years. I dearly missed Mr. Tumnus, my good friend, and the Beavers. I would go visit them everyday in my spare time. I was nearly in tears by the time I headed down the hallway, passing Susan's room I decided to take a peek inside to see what she was doing. I knocked lightly on the door, hoping I wasn't disturbing her.

"Who is it?", her voice was grim and sad.

"Susan it's me, Lucy", I said barely above a whisper.

I could hear footsteps, then the door swung wide open and she ushered me inside, closing it once I entered.

"So how did the playdate thing go", she asked sitting on the edge of her bed. She patted the spot next to her and I reluctantly sat down.

"It was horrible", I cried putting my head in my hands. "I've never been so bored in my life, and I thought sitting through a whole behavior lecture from the King of Archenland was bad".

Susan patted my back and giggled behind her hand, "That bad, huh".

Another knock came from the door.

"Who is it?", Susan asked slightly cherrier.

"It's me Peter", he sounded tired.

Susan got up from the bed and opened the door to Peter.

"So Lu",he said coming over to me; he took the seat from Susan's desk and straddled it. "How was the playdate?".

I groaned and fell backwards onto the bed, covering my face with Susan's pillow.

"That bad huh", he said, I could tell he had a smile on his lips.

"She says its even worse then that time the King from Archenland gave her and Edmund a lecture, about behavior", Susan said sitting down next to me and yanking the pillow from my face.

"It's not funny", I said sitting back up and frowning at the both of them. "Mum doesn't make you play with the neighbors kids!".

"That's because we are older than you, but we still have to go to school and have to deal with the kids there", Peter said. Taking one of Susan's new school books in his hand he showed it to me, "And having to learn this stuff again".

I took the book from his hands and looked at the cover **"Understanding Latin; the beginners steps"**, my mouth dropped open as I read it. "But this is so easy, even I could do it", I said, handing the book to Susan.

"Try telling that too mum", he said shaking his head.

"It's worse when you want to tell her you've already learned it, but kids our age are barely starting to study it.", Susan said throwing the book to the floor. Mother wanted us to get a head start on certain subjects before we went back to school in three months. I wasn't looking forward too it, I was now old enough to join Susan at St. Finsbar.

Just then another knock came from the door.

"Is that you Edmund?", I asked, since he was the only one missing.

"Yes it's me", he said sighing. I quickly got up and opened the door, he had his school books in his hand, and a glum look on his face .

"You haven't gotten it yet?", Peter asked jokingly.

Edmund frowned at him, and threw his work on Susan's desk, "Mum gave me an extra long lesson on the mathematics sheets". We all knew mathematics very well, but mother didn't know that.

Edmund then looked over at me, and I knew what he was going to ask, I beat him too it. "It was worse than the time King Lune from Archenland gave us that lecture on behavior", I said putting my hands on my hips, or where they used too be. He merely shook his head.

"I feel so bad for you Lucy", he said a smirk visible on his face.

Grabbing Susan's pillow I threw it at him, but he ducked it. Of course Edmund was the best swordsman in Narnia, he would know how to avoid a blow.

"Nice throw Lu", he chuckled. I rolled my eyes at him, and sat down on the bed.

"How much longer till Aslan lets us go back?", I asked looking at each of them. The room went quiet so much so you could hear a pin drop.

"I don't know Lucy", Peter said, I could hear the profound sadness in his voice. It had been hard on all of us, more so on Peter. He was a High King in Narnia, now he was a simple school boy, trying his best to please his mother and father; pretending to be one, while his insides were twisting with emotions of anger and sadness. I went over and gave him a huge hug, which her returned. Susan and Edmund joined in and we stayed that way until we heard our mothers voice from down stairs.

"Kids, dinner is ready!".

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dinner was very awkward, Mum asked us about our days and what we did. Each of my siblings told her what they did, of course Mum asked additional questions. Then she asked me for details about my playdate. My sibling's eyes fell on me; Edmund gave my hand a reassuring squeeze under the table, he was going to take it away but I held onto it, and he gave me a small nod.

"Well, um we played with her dolls...", out of the corner of my eye I could see Peter shake his head slightly.

"Oh really, did you like them", my mother asked not noticing the color of out faces drain. I honestly would have said no, that it was stupid to play with such trifles, but of course everyone my age had a doll or two... or five.

"Um yes they were very... pretty", I swallowed the lump in my throat.

It remained quiet for a mere three seconds but I felt it was more than five minutes. Thankfully Susan spoke up.

"So what else did you two do?", she eyed me intently sending me a message saying, say something.

"Well her parents then made us some lunch..." I looked over at my mother, her eyes were on me. "Then we skipped rope, and she taught me a new rhyme song to go with it". I gave her a fake smile.

She seemed to buy it, "Well that sounds like fun", she put a hand on my shoulder. "You must show us what she taught you". That's when my heart dropped to the floor. Doing that in front of Natalie I could handle, but in front of my family... I would die of embarrassment.

Luckily my wonderful brother Edmund cam to my rescue, "Well Mum she's probably tired, from all that fun", he said looking at me. I slowly nodded my head, "Maybe some other time Mum".

"Awe of course my baby", she said giving my cheek a pinch. I was going to scream.

I quickly got up from my seat, "Please excuse me, but I'm finished". Putting my napkin on the table I hurried out of the room. Tears began to flow down my cheeks, I rubbed them away and started up the stairs.

"I wonder what that was all about?", I could hear Mum ask.

"She's probably just really tired", Peter covered for me. I wondered how much longer I would be able to take the madness.

Finally I reached the top of the stairs, running to my room I flopped myself onto the bed. I grabbed my pillow, and screamed into it. Then I began to sob.

I don't know how long it was, but I then heard a knock on my door. I didn't respond, I turned over on my bed, facing the wall.

"Lu... it's me Peter", he slowly opened the door.

I didn't turn around, I didn't even move. I heard his footsteps move across the floor, but not towards me, towards my desk. I heard the slight thump of something hitting the top of the hard wood. Then he turned and started waking towards the door.

"Goodnight Lu", he said in a whisper, turning the light off and closing the door.

I didn't get up to see what it was, I turned towards the now closed-door and whispered into the dark empty room, "Goodnight Peter".

Sleep began to over come me, my eyes began to droop. Pulling the covers to my chin, I let it overtake me.

I drifted back to my home... to Narnia, where I really belonged.

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please be gentle with me (first time). Please review and tell me what you think of it so far! Once again THANK YOU!**


	3. The Nightmare

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**lovenarnia: Thanks for letting me know about my spelling errors, I uploaded the chapter with the corrections, especially the one about the King of Archenland! Ya please forgive me for that I don't know what happened there!**

**trivia101: Awe you are so sweet! Thanks for the compliment, I wasn't going to do a story because I thought I wasn't good enough. Your review made my day! Thanks again! Oh and don't worry they are going to return to Narnia, this story takes place after LWW so they are going back soon!**

**Lura Elsworth: You are so sweet! Thanks for taking the time to read this story, and review!**

**The Wolf of Cair Paravel: Thanks for checking mine out! **

**All of you are motivating me to continue... **

**Note: Don't worry the diary will come up soon, hopefully in the next chapter! But please enjoy this one.**

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I was staring at the beautiful sunset, atop a cliff near Cair Paravel.

"Queen Lucy".

I heard someone call my name from behind me, turning around I saw Mr. Tumnus. A huge smile spread across my face; arms outstretched I ran towards him. Before I could hug him, he stepped backwards away from me, holding his hands up as if too say stay away from me.

"Mr. Tumnus", the smile faded away from my lips, "What is wrong?"

"Why did you abandon us?", he asked frowning at me.

I sucked in my breath, "We didn't mean to leave Mr. Tumnus, it was an accident".

Tears began to appear in my eyes, I brushed them away. I stepped forward towards him, but he stepped back.

"No, you abandoned us", he turned away from me, but he paused and said over his shoulder, "And now all of Narnia is going to pay for it".

"No, Mr. Tumnus", I now was beginning to sob, but he continued to walk away from me.

I followed him, but no matter how fast I ran his figure kept getting farther and farther away from me. I followed him until something caught my attention, I was no longer near Cair Paravel. My eyes scanned the horizon, I tried to figure out where I was, then I saw something that sent a chill down my spine. I saw her... the white witch, wand up and poised ready to strike at someone. I followed her gaze and saw Peter at the end of it. My first instinct was to scream, but I just stood still frozen like a statue.

I just watched as the scene continued to play out in front of me, she was getting closer and closer to him, but I did nothing. Then I saw another familiar face in the crowd of creatures that appeared all of a sudden... it was Edmund. He yelled and brought his sword down to her wand, but she turned around and striked at his stomach; avoiding it he brought his sword down on her wand again and broke it. A bright light shone from it, I smiled he had done it. But my happiness turned to horror as I saw the witch manuever her sword around his and dislocated it from his hand, he looked up at her in shock as she plunged the tip of her broken wand into his abdomen.

"EDMUND!", I screamed out his name as he fell to the floor.

I tried to run towards him but my feet seemed to be concreted to the floor, I fell onto my stomach, hitting the hard dirt below my feet. I clawed at the ground trying to reach him.

"EDMUND!", I yelled out to him.

I saw as Peter ran to his side joined by Susan, she put his head onto her lap and slowly took off his helmet. Edmund was breathing rapidly now, a small pool of blood forming around him. Peter stood up and scanned the area for something.

"Lucy!", he yelled looking around frantically.

I then realized they needed me, they needed my cordial.

"Lucy!", he yelled again.

I could tell Edmund was slowly slipping away. I continued to claw at the ground, why couldn't I get up. I looked to my side and saw the cordial there, unclasping it from my belt I threw it in their direction.

"Peter the cordial is right there", I pointed to it, but he didn't see it, in fact he didn't even see me.

"Lucy!", he continued to yell.

"Peter!", I yelled now sobbing, "It's right there, look Peter, look!"

He didn't hear my cries, his face drained of all color as he heard Edmund cough and gasp for air, looking at him he kneeled down and grasped his hand. Susan was now in tears, sobbing and pushing the hair away from Edmund's eyes. I could hear Edmund's ragged breath in my ears, as if he was right beside me. They got slower and slower, then all together they stopped.

"EDMUND!", I screamed; so loud that my throat hurt.

He was gone... and it was all my fault. I stopped clawing at the ground, I just sobbed into the dirt. I couldn't breath, I began to shake violently. Then I heard something...

"Lucy... Lucy wake up... Lucy", someone called out to me.

I shook my head what was that, my vision became hazy, the figures of my siblings began to disappear.

"Lucy... wake up!", it was now more urgent.

"No... no", I turned my head from side to side.

"Lucy", I heard the voice stronger now.

My eyes finally shot open, it was dark. I could feel the cold sweat dripping down my face, wiping it with my sleeve I sat up in bed. Shaking my head I heard a voice in the dark.

"Lucy", it said.

Looking up I stared into the familiar brown eyes of my brother... my brother Edmund. At first I thought I was still dreaming, but then he grabbed both of my hands and looked me in the eye, that's when I knew it wasn't; that's when I broke.

"Oh, Edmund", I gasped giving him a hug, I sobbed into his night-shirt; grasping it trying to control myself, but I couldn't. He just stroked my hair, rocking me in his grasp, telling me over and over that it would be alright. My sobs finally began to subside, I could finally breath at a normal pace. When I finally stopped he pulled me away from him still grasping my shoulders, he looked into my eyes.

"Are you alright Lucy?", he asked his voice full of concern.

I just nodded my head still unable to speak, he propped up my pillow against the headboard of my bed. Then set me back against it, I fumbled with the covers, unable to meet his eyes. I sniffled, rubbing my nose against my sleeve.

"Lucy...", he said trying to catch my gaze, "Please tell me what happened".

The lump in my throat began to rise, I swallowed trying to keep it down.

"I...", it was hard to relive the nightmare. He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

"We were in Narnia again..." I slowly began. I told him everything about Mr. Tumnus, then Peter, how he called me many times, then about him.

"I couldn't get to you, you were dying right in front of me", the tears were coming back. Edmund sucked in his breath, he remembered that event all too well.

"I threw my cordial towards Peter but he couldn't see it or me. You're breathing became really raged and then it stopped all together", the tears returned, putting my head in my hands I continued, "You died right in front of me, and I couldn't do anything about it"

He didn't say anything he just brought me to his chest again, and rubbed my back trying to get my sobs to subside. When they didn't he spoke to me.

"Lucy I'm okay I'm still here", I tried to quiet my crying so he could speak, "I promise I will never leave you Lucy, I will always be right beside you, I will never leave you".

I moved away from his chest , tears still flowing down my cheeks, "Do you promise?"

He nodded his head and kissed the top of my head, "I promise... in the name of Aslan I promise".

His words seemed to calm my crying

altogether, I breathed out a shaky breath, "Thank you Edmund, I'm sorry I woke you". I felt ashamed; at my age I shouldn't be crying like a three-year old.

"No problem Lu", he said using his sleeve to clean my eyes, "Now try to get some rest".

He laid me back onto my pillow and pulled the covers over me, I began to get sleepy again. I felt ashamed to ask but I did anyway, "Edmund, will you stay with me?"

He smiled and motioned for me to scoot over. Even at the age of twelve he couldn't say no to me, I quickly moved over and he climbed into the bed, pulling the covers over us I turned to face him.

"Goodnight Edmund", my eyes began to become droopy.

"Goodnight Lu", he whispered back, but I didn't hear him because I was already asleep.

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**So what do you think? Please review and let me know!**


	4. The Diary

**Thank you so much for all your reviews! I'm so sorry to keep you waiting this long but I have six essays due by the beginning of next week and I've barely done three! I know not good! Well anyways, I felt bad keeping you waiting so I have decided to give you this next chapter, yes the diary finally comes into the picture, and will now make an appearance in every single chapter after this one. Thanks again for waiting patiently. (sorry if it isn't any good)**

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I slowly opened one eye, afraid to be blinded by the light pouring in from my window. I turned my head over to where Edmund had slept last night, he was still there, lying on his back, hand on his stomach. A sickening feeling surfaced in the pit of my stomach, he was in the same position now as he had been during the battle of Beruna. It hurt me to think about it; but my nerves quieted themselves as I saw his chest rise and fall. I quietly moved the covers out of my way and hopped out of the bed; the ground was cold, the atmosphere quiet. I made my way over to the window just above my desk, where I did my schoolwork. My eyes were locked on the outside world, the tree in the backyard was just beginning to blossom. I sat down in my chair and put my arms down on the cold surface, that's when something caught my eye. A brown package sat there, neatly placed in the middle of my desk. I reached over and took it in my hands with great caution, afraid that I would break it. After staring at it for a good three minutes, I made up my mind to open it. I began to tear the plain brown wrapping paper, my eyes went wide as I pulled out the contents of the package.

The diary was beautiful, the outside was a dark brown; it felt like leather. Down the spine gold swirls cascaded themselves in an elegant art form. I opened the relatively thick diary; the paper reminded me of the parchment I used to write on in Narnia, a smile erupted on my face. As I gazed down at it, a thought crept into my mind. Who could have given me this? I looked over at Edmund who was still asleep, he had changed positions and was now sleeping on his side, a small snore escaped from his lips. I put my handover my mouth to keep myself from laughing out loud. I shook my head, honestly it could have been anyone of my siblings. I began to search for a note of some sort, putting the diary at the edge of my table I searched through the shredded wrapping paper. As I was searching I accidentally knocked over the diary and it hit the floor with a great thud. I winced, that was really loud.

"Lucy", I turned around to see Edmund yawning and rubbing his eyes. "What are you doing?", he asked beginning to get up.

Rushing over to his side I pushed him back towards the pillow, "Nothing Eddie", I kissed his forehead and whispered, "Go back to sleep".

He didn't argue, he yawned one last time and rested his head back on the pillow, closed his eyes and fell asleep. I smiled and shook my head, Edmund loved to sleep. I tiptoed my way back to the desk and bent down to pick up the diary, as I did a small envelope fell to the floor. Picking it up I sat down in my chair and set the diary on the table. It was addressed to me of course, tearing the envelope open, I pulled out the letter and began to read it. What was inside brought tears to my eyes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

I quickly slipped out of my nightgown and into some clothes before I woke up Edmund. I knew it would take a bit to wake him up, since he absolutely loved to sleep, he probably could sleep the day away if you'd let him.

"Edmund!", I lightly shook him awake.

"Mmmmhhm", he said pulling the covers over his head, ignoring me.

I persisted, shaking him about, "Edmund, please get up!"

"Lucy", he cried sitting up in bed and throwing the pillow at my face.

"Hey!", I cried as the pillow hit its target, both of us burst into laughter. I picked up the pillow and put it on top of my bed.

"Okay Edmund, now please exit the room so I may make my bed, breakfast will be ready soon", I said pulling him out of the bed.

"Lucy", he said giving me a fake frown, "I'm still sleepy".

I rolled my eyes at him, putting my hands on my hips, or where they used to be. "Your always sleepy".

He nodded at me and yawned, heading out the door, "See you at breakfast", he said.

"See ya, and Edmund", I said stopping him halfway down the hall to his room, "Thanks for staying with me". I smiled, walking towards him and giving him a big hug.

"No problem Lu, anytime", he said kissing me on the top of my head.

I gave him another big hug and headed back to my room, closing the door behind me. Picking up my diary I grabbed my pen and sat at my desk; beginning to write.

_Peter said that I should write what I feel in you, so write I shall. I will not only tell you about the way I feel, but I will merge the feelings of my siblings as well. I shall begin first to tell you a little about my siblings starting with Peter my brother, or as I better know him as High King Peter the Magnificent. He is very brave and proud, very headstrong; I love him to pieces. He's a very good swordsman and rider, and a very good sister Susan, or as I've known her in Narnia Queen Susan the Gentle. Is very bright and well gentle, although now that I come to think of it she's not very gentle when it comes to using a bow and arrow. She could hit a bird right smack in the eye about a half a mile away. She's also very very very beautiful, all the boys fall over her, in Narnia and the ones at school. She comes home to tell me how they act like such idiots around her, trying to get her attention in the most childish ways. I just nod and try to listen, but honestly the topic of boys never interests me. I'm not the pretty one, she is, so I've never experienced anything like that. Anyways onto my other brother (elder) Edmund, in Narnia he was the best swordsman, able to use two swords in battle. Yes, he was even better than Peter, but I never say that. I feel that I am much closer to Edmund than any of my other siblings, I love them each the same, but Ed and I are closer in age therefore we depend more on each other. Plus in Narnia we would go on many adventures together. He's always there for me, well they all are._

_Last night Edmund woke me up from a nightmare I had, it was about him. In Narnia we had a battle in Beruna, about a lion's ride away from Cair Paravel. There the White Witch came upon us with her army, full fledge. Susan and I were there just in time to see Alsan towering over the dead body of the White Witch, Peter's blank expression,and a dwarf raising his axe over the dying body of our brother... Edmund. Susan took an arrow and struck the dwarf down before he delivered the final blow, racing over to his body I gave him a drop from my cordial. I was almost too late, his breathing had stopped, and he appeared to be dead. I still remember his cold, pale face, eyes closed. He looked like he was sleeping. I had begun to cry, Susan was too, and Peter was in shock, but we all rejoiced when Edmund took a deep unexpected breath as if he had held it in the whole time. But in my dream Edmund had died, he didn't make it, and all because I didn't get to him in time. That 'what if' situation has haunted me till this day, and will continue too. My throat is still hoarse from all the screaming, I don't know if I was screaming as loudly out loud as I was in my dream, if I was I'm surprised all three of my siblings and my parents weren't staring down at me when I woke up. I'm glad it was Edmund though, like I said before we are much closer. Edmund seems to understand me more, although I love all of my siblings equally, each of them have their own special place in my heart, I'm glad to have them._

"Lucy!".

My name being called interrupted my thoughts. I looked down to my diary, I had written quite a lot filling up a good two and a half pages.

"Lucy!"

The voice came again.

"I'll be right down!", I yelled back closing my diary shut. I got up from my desk, putting the letter from Peter in it and tucking it under my pillow where it would be safe. I quickly smoothed out my bed sheets, put my pen away, threw the wrapping paper into the wastebasket and made my way out of my room. I took a moment to look back into the now quiet and empty room. I looked over each object, as if making sure they were all real. Shaking my head clear of the thought, I shut the door tight and made my way downstairs to the kitchen where breakfast was being served.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was such a lovely day that mother suggested we all head outside to enjoy the fresh air. Of course we all agreed, none of us liked to be cooped up in the house for very long. Peter and Edmund started to set up wickets to play a game of cricket, while Susan was scolding them telling them that they weren't setting it up right. I just sat under the blossom tree, watching and laughing at my siblings. My gaze drifted up into the clouds, I watched as several minotaurs, jackrabbits, and fauns danced across the sky. Seeing the fauns reminded me so much of Mr. Tumnus, and the nightmare. Did he really believe we abandoned him?; tears escaped from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks, and dropping to the ground below, disappearing as the soil hungrily soaked them up.

"Don't you want to play Lu?", I looked up just as Peter strolled over to me a bat over his shoulder and a ball in his hand.

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater and cleared my throat, "No thank you Peter."

He looked at me skeptically, I looked down trying not to meet his eyes.

"Are you alright Lu?", he asked crouching down to meet my eyes. I just nodded my head, and began to pull grass from the ground.

"No you're not", he said setting his things down and sitting next to me. I cursed inwardly, of course he could see right through me, this was Peter. We've been through so much together, lived together, fought together, ate together, he knows me to well to not notice when I'm not myself. I didn't speak, instead he did that for me.

"Edmund told me about the nightmare", he said quietly.

I just nodded my head, of course Ed would tell them, although I wish he hadn't. I didn't want to seem to childish, like I couldn't handle my own fears and doubts, but honestly at times I couldn't. It has been very difficult going from being in my twenties, to know barley being ten years old. It was hard for all of us, this huge change, in atmosphere and ability.

"I want you to know, that I will always be there for you Lucy, no matter what. And that you can always talk to me, I know it's been hard for you since we left Narnia. You were so close to everyone there, and I don't know when we will go back, or if we will ever...", his voice trailed off.

I looked up to see his face, his eyes had that faraway look to them and tears began to creep up from the corners of them. Taking his chin in my hand, I turned his face towards mine, wiping away the tears that made their way down his cheeks. Sometimes, I had to be the brave willed one of the group, but I didn't mind. He scoffed at my action and abruptly wiped away the rest of his tears with the back of his hand.

"And I'm the one whose suppose to be making you feel better", he smiled looking down. Moving swiftly, I enveloped him into a hug, whispering into his ear.

"You already have, thank you Peter,... for everything", I broke away from the hug looking into his eyes. He seemed to understand I wasn't just thanking him for the thought and gesture to see if I was alright, but for the little present he left on my desk, late last night.

"Your welcome Lu", he smiled back at me.

"Now how about I be the bowler this time", I said taking the ball from his hands and helping him up from the ground.

He smiled and laughed, jogging ahead of me and calling over his shoulder, "You're on Lu".

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	5. Grounded

**Well hello there valued readers and reviewers! I just wanted to thank you all again for taking the time to read my story! **

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**MCH**

**Thanks for the Reviews: (Thanks for sticking with me)**

**Lura Elsworth- you are so sweet! Love ya to bits!**

**SweetSunnyRose**

**MCH**

**Ailvyn Siniyash**

**lovenarnia**

**trivia101**

**And now please note that all of this chapter, except the last paragraph, is being written by Lucy in her diary and has already happened, that is why most of the story is written in italics. It was a little confusing for me to write this because most of this was supposed to be happening in the present. So transferring all of that into now past terms, was a bit of a mind boggler. So please forgive me, if it confuses you! **

**Now that that's been cleared away please continue...**

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_It has now been exactly a month and six days since we've left Narnia. My nightmares have resided a little, but Edmund will probably not come anymore to comfort me, if I have another. Susan is still blabbering on about boys and how they annoy her so, but now I think she won't mention it to me anymore. Peter is well not himself especially after tonight he wasn't. I feel as if slowly we are drifting apart, and I feel they will never forgive me for what I have done. It's a long story but I shall tell it too you, since now your all I have._

_Mom had insisted that I play with Natalie this morning, even though it was the last thing on Earth I wanted to do. She is so, so childish, she worries about ruining her new stockings or getting dirt on one of her dolls dresses. Which is exactly what happened today, this is how my day was ruined from the start._

_She invited me to go over and play with her dolls, even though I didn't want to mom "insisted", more like forced me, to go play with her. I didn't want to be cooped up inside since it was such a nice day out, so I suggested we play outside with her dolls. She was worried they would get dirty, but after much persuasion and pleading, yes I pleaded, she finally excepted and we went out. She brought with her many blankets to cover up the ground so she and her dolls wouldn't get dirty. We played for a while and after we, mostly I, got bored playing with her dolls we decided to skip rope. I had left one of her dolls sitting on the corner of one of the blankets, and apparently it had fallen over._

_And of course it was near a pile of dirt, so the dolls face and dress got a little smudged with it. It wasn't bad at all, I had been covered in more dirt than that in Narnia, but Natalie screamed at me, telling me I had no care for her precious dolls and that I had left it there on purpose. I was so furious that I screamed out to her, "Your dolls are stupid, and so are you. You worry about the most insignificant things, like getting your knew stockings dirty or your new dress. Don't you realize they're more important things in life than worrying about your appearance!" They're was complete silence, Natalie looked at me with a shocked and hurt expression, but of course I continued. "No I guess you wouldn't since you are such a baby!" She glared at me scooped up her dolls and blankets, turned and left me there; steaming. Once my anger died down I realized what I had done, and I got a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was really in for it now._

_And well I really was in for it, mother got a call from Natalie's mother telling her all the nasty stuff I said to Natalie and how she would prefer it if we no longer played together. Which honestly was totally fine with me, but I did feel horrible, so over the phone I told Natalie how sorry I was, and well this is what she said. "Ya whatever, if you were jealous because I have so many dolls you could have just said something, I hear you guys are a little low on money, which is why you don't have a lot of nice things. I would have been glad to give you one of mine" Blistering anger began to swell up from my face, I wanted to scream unspeakable things to her, tell her that she was a spoiled brat and needed a good spanking. But thanks to Aslan I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood, no I wasn't going to say anything. So mustering up all the patience I had, which mind you was at its limit, I calmly spoke to her. "Well yes we are a little short on money since the war and everything. But we will be getting more income once father arrives next week. But thank you for the offer, it was really..." I couldn't say the next words, I didn't want to but I had too. "Very sweet of you to offer me one of your dolls, but no worries I will be getting some of my own soon". I then said my goodbyes and hung up the phone. I was officially done with that twit._

_So now here I am grounded for the night, with no supper. But that isn't the worst part._

_Mother had given me a long lecture about how I should never speak that way to anyone and never use those words again. I just nodded and said I was sorry, but I really wasn't. If I had the chance I would have said a lot more to the girl. My siblings then gave me another long lecture, about how stupid I was and how that I need to be more careful about the way I act. "Lucy you really need to grow up", Susan had said to me. The comment hit me right in the heart, as if she had shot me with one of her arrows. She didn't understand how I felt, none of them did; I had thought this at the time._

_"Shut up Susan, its you who needs to grow up! You talking about boys all day and all night, you say they annoy you, but I know you crave the attention, just like you did back in Narnia!", I screamed at her._

_Edmund had stood up and roughly grabbed me by the arm, "Lucy that's enough"._

_"Oh well excuse me, take her side of course. Always on her side huh Edmund, and I thought you treated everybody fairly. Your supposed to be the Just King!", I retorted back, yanking my arm from his grasp._

_Peter enraged had gotten up from his seat, grabbed me by the arm, and smacked me across the face with the back of his hand. The sound shot through the room like a bullet. Edmund and Susan both gasped in surprise, Peter had never hit me before. Grasping my cheek with my hand I had looked up into his eyes, the anger now gone he was looking at his hand in shock, almost as if he couldn't believe it himself. Glaring at him and on the verge of tears I fought back one last time, and I wish I had kept my mouth shut._

_"Satisfied High King Peter... they're is nothing Magnificent about you! You're a lousy excuse for a king and a brother"._

_Peter looked at me, not saying a word, but I knew I had hit him hard. I finally broke right there in front of all of them saying, "You don't understand how hard I am trying to be like I was before Narnia", I gasped in between sobs, "I try so very hard, and all I get from you all is spitting hatred"._

_I could hear footsteps coming towards the door, but I had continued to sob not caring who would see me._

_"Lucy", I was met by my mother's horrified expression. She came over to me arms extended and enveloped me in a hug. Usually this type of affection from her would make me feel uncomfortable. But at that point I didn't care. "What happened?", she had asked looking at my siblings._

_She was met by dead silence, which upset me more. They didn't care to give her an explanation, any explanation. Ripping from my mother's grasp I had bolted down the hallway to my room. Once I was in I slammed the door with all my might and locked it behind me._

I couldn't write anymore, setting my diary on my nightstand I laid back on my bed. Going over this I felt completely guilty, I had no right to scream a them that way. If anyone was a lousy excuse for a sibling it was me. Turning towards the door, I silently prayed that one or all three of my siblings would knock on my door, asking if they could come in to talk. But the seconds turned into minutes and the minutes into hours, finally I gave up on the hope they would come in and see me tonight. Turning away from the door, I pulled the covers over my now shaking body, settled down against my pillow and cried some more.

I cried until sleep overtook me.

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**So what did you think? Please review and let me know! **


	6. How Could I

**Hello There! Thank you for waiting so patiently for this next chapter. I apologize for the long wait, all thanks to my stupid essays!**

**I wanted to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews! You guys are encouraging me to keep writing! **

**Okay I'm going to stop talking now and let you read!**

**Note: This whole chapter is in Peter's POV! (decided to let him explain his action(s) towards Lucy)**

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I don't know what came over me... how could I hit her.

I can still see the hurt, shock, and disbelief in her eyes. Her voice ringing in my ears.

_"Satisfied High King Peter... they're is nothing Magnificent about you! You're a lousy excuse for a king and a brother"._

But when she was saying all those things to Susan and Edmund, it wasn't her, or it was her, but it wasn't her voice...no it wasn't... it was someone else, someone I hated.

I remember when we were back in Narnia...

_*Flashback*_

It was the fifth year into our reign, Lady Eres's aunt, Lady Martha, traveled to Cair Paravel to "congratulate" us on a job well done (for surviving that long). Or so we thought. She stayed for about three weeks, watching us with her squinty beady eyes. She was everywhere, literally, the only way we could get away from her is if we went to use the bathroom. We were all very polite to her, even though she "suggested" her opinions to us, about the way we did things. One the day of her departure she requested a meeting with all of us, she also wanted our advisors to be there.

I remember we all gathered in the huge meeting hall; it was quiet. Edmund was on my right, Susan on my left, and Lucy was sitting on the other end of the table conversing with Mr. Tumnus. We waited a good fifteen minutes... and that's when the thunder and lighting rolled in.

Lady Martha burst through the door, nearly knocking the doors off of their hinges; Lu's back was facing the door, she was the one to jump nearly out of her seat. Lady Martha had brought in her escorts with her, soldiers from the Lone Islands. Once they surrounded all of us she then began spewing off insults; she acted like a venomous snake to me, venom dripping with every word.

"I have stayed here for a good three weeks, and have come to a conclusion that you do not know how to rule Narnia properly!", she said walking over to the back of Lucy's chair. She had grabbed the top of the headrest making Lucy stiffen. Edmund was fidgeting in his seat, trying to keep calm as he saw the twinge of fear in Lucy's eyes.

"You Queen Susan, are nothing more than a dimwitted, airhead!", she screamed at Susan. Susan stiffened as the insult struck her like a slap across the face, "Many come to you to ask for your hand, but only because you have looks, no one will ever ask for your hand because of your knowledge of things". Lady Martha's eyes grew soft and a smirk appeared across her face, "You say my dear, that you grow tired of so many suitors,well over four hundred didn't you say, but I know the truth, you enjoy all the attention."

I began to stand up, I wanted to yell at her, tell her unspeakable things, but my advisor Lucian came rushing over to me, pushing me down into my chair.

"My King I must recommend that you keep your cool, for they have yet to sign our treaty of peace.", he whispered into my ear. I just nodded my head, cursing inwardly, if it wasn't for the treaty, I would have thrown her out. I wanted to slap her so hard.

"And you King Edmund", she said pointing a finger at him, "I know about your treachery towards Narnia, how you almost gave your family into the hands of the White Witch!" "And yet they still let you become King of Narnia, and your title, Just, Ha!"

Edmund stiffened, he still hadn't gotten over that event, and her bringing it back wasn't helping. Lucy was now glaring, her jaw clenched. I looked straight into her eyes, shaking my head slightly, telling her to keep her mouth shut. But I wasn't the only one to see it.

"What's that King Peter!", she said looking at me, "Is there something that you would like to say for all of us to hear!"

I wanted to blurt out how she had no right to speak to us in that way, but again the treaty came to mind. Taking every ounce of patience and courage I had I responded simply, "No."

Lucy looked at me with a mixture of horror and anger, I had made a solemn promise to myself that I would never see that look on her face again. She whipped her head around, looking straight at Lady Martha.

"Well if Peter doesn't want to say anything, I will", she spoke calmly, scooting her chair back. Lucy at that time was only thirteen, standing in front of Lady Martha she looked so small.

"You have no right to speak to us in this way. As for your accusations towards us, they can be counted as treachery, we can have you thrown in jail for this.", glaring at Lady Martha she continued, "Susan is neither dimwitted nor an airhead. Did you know that Susan can name all thirty-two different sea currents around Narnia, she can calculate which one could take you to your home the Lone Islands, and which one would take you to Aslan's Country?".

There was silence from Lady Martha and everyone else; she continued

"Did you know that Susan can speak seven different languages, or that she can name all the different colors of every sunset. For example, did you know there are three different shades of red, pink, yellow? No... well Susan does." "Plus you stated she can get well over four hundred suitors, and how many could you get, when you were her age? Oh yes if I remember correctly, I had read that you couldn't get even one, at Susan's age!"

Lady Martha looked dumbfounded, as if she had been slapped in the face. I looked over at Susan, a smile had spread across her face.

"And as for my brother Edmund, yes he was a traitor, but I'm sure you've read or heard that Aslan himself forgave him. Am I not correct?", she looked over to Lady Martha, but nothing came from her mouth.

"I thought so, the fact that Aslan himself crowned Edmund to be a King of Narnia, should be proof enough that he was in fact forgiven and rewarded for helping in the Battle of Beruna. And we have forgiven him completely for what he had done, we hold no harsh feelings towards him", Lucy paused she had paced back and forth across the room, as she often did when trying to make her point, she then spun around looking at Lady Martha straight in the eye.

"Did you also know my brother can wield two swords in battle?", again silence.

"And even thought you seemed to have not made any direct accusations to my brother Peter, I know you well enough that you view him as insufferable boy king. I'll have you know that my brother has made peace across the lands, as far Tashbann in Calmoren, something I know that you could never do."

Lucy had made her way over to the three of us, positioning herself between my chair and Edmund's. Ed gave her hand a squeeze under the table.

"I also know what you think of me, you view me as a small queen, scared of her own shadow, scared to speak up. Well I have just proven you wrong.", she again made her way back to Lady Martha. "I now advise you to apologize to my siblings, or we will have no choice but to throw you in prison for as long as we want. And Aslan help me, you will be there a good ten years for what you have said", Lady Martha had taken a step back from Lucy.

"So Lady Martha what shall it be?", Lucy crossed her arms over he chest waiting for a response.

Lady Martha had apologized right there in front of everyone, begging for forgiveness, if it had been me I would have said no, but Edmund had spoken up.

"I think I speak for all of us, we forgive you for you words against us, but you are no longer welcome here as a guest, please leave immediately", he then sat down looking at Lucy, smiling.

Before Lady Martha left Lucy said one last thing to her, "Another display of justice from my brother."

Lady Martha simply curtsied and fled from the room escorts running to catch up with her. Once she had departed, the room erupted with cheers. Ed had rushed over to Lucy picking her up and spinning her around just as he did when the White Witch had released his claim on his blood. Susan had began to cry, embracing Lucy and crushing her with love. I had walked over to the balcony facing the courtyard watching as Lady Martha exited the walls of Cair Paravel; I didn't hear the little figure of my sister behind me.

"Peter", her voice had grown small again, her moment of courage hidden away.

"Yes Lu", I said, breathing out a sigh.

"Why didn't you defend Susan and Edmund?", she asked coming to the balcony.

Looking out towards the sea, I began to tell her what Lucian had told me about the peace treaty. Her eyes grew wide with fear, as realization set in.

"I just started a war... Didn't I Peter!", she said putting her head in her hands.

Bending down to meet her eyes, I removed her hands from her face. "No Lucy, I think you scared her out of one. I believe she wont have the gut to go against you", I said poking her in the stomach. She giggled and gave me a hug. Edmund and Susan had made their way over to us, guilt began to creep into my heart. I let go of Lucy and stood up, facing them.

"Please forgive me", I said looking them in the eyes, "Forgive me for not sticking up for you guys."

They looked at each other, then down at Lucy, then up at me.

"Of course we forgive you Peter", Susan said a smile erupting on her face.

"Lucian explained to us about the treaty", Edmund added giving me a hug. Susan then joined in and finally Lucy wiggling between all of us, making all of us burst out laughing.

After we had all stopped laughing I looked each of them in the eye and made a promise to them, that not matter what, I would stick up for them. Even if it involved a stupid peace treaty.

They all nodded in response, and we made our way to dinner.

_*End of flashback*_

Hearing Lucy speak those horrible things to them, I reacted upon my promise. I could hear Lady Martha's voice cover Lucy's, it's as if we were back in the meeting hall. I was keeping my promise to my siblings, but that didn't justify the reason for my actions.

Putting my head in my hands, regret and shame took over me. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't know if Lucy would forgive me, getting up from my desk I made my way to Lucy's room. The hall was quiet, Susan's and Edmund's doors were closed. I know they were also thinking over Lucy's words like I was. Shaking my head I silently knocked on Lucy's door, no answer came. I slowly turned the knob, but it didn't budge, she had locked it. Lucy never locks her door, she never had at Cair Paravel, always leaving it open so that we could come in if we pleased, but now she didn't want any of us with her, especially me.

I made my way back to my room, closing the door, but keeping it unlocked just incase Lucy decided to make her way over here, though I doubted it. Kicking my shoes off, I lay down on my bed, arms supporting my head. I went over and over the different apologies I could say to make Lucy forgive me for my actions. Her voice came rolling back into my mind as I drifted off into a restless sleep.

_"Satisfied High King Peter... they're is nothing Magnificent about you! You're a lousy excuse for a king and a brother". _

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**_I know sad! But don't worry they shall all make up soon. _**

**_So what do you think!? Please review and let me know!_**


	7. Forgiveness

**Hello there! **

**I felt it was time to bring this family feud to a close. I can't stand having them mad at each other anymore! Sorry if this chapter is short, but I have so much going on now that it's hard to find time to write! I still have three essays to finish, and I have about three special events coming up for me. So it might be a while before I update again. So please be patient with me! **

**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews!**

**Note: This chapter is mostly written in the third person! Please** **enjoy!**

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For the next week the Pevensie children didn't speak to one another, each dealing in their own way the words that had been said. Only mere glances were exchanged among them, some of regret, others of anger, and others of sadness. Each of them shut themselves in their rooms only to come out for their meals. Their mother never interfered for she knew nothing she said would help, they were the only ones that could mend the broken bonds of their relationship.

Susan thought long and hard about what she had said to Lucy, and about what Lucy had said to her. In the end after much controversy between herself, and her conscience she decided to forgive Lucy, that's when the guilt set in. Just like Peter she began to hear Lucy's broken voice over and over in her mind.

_"You don't understand how hard I am trying to be like I was before Narnia". "I try so very hard, and all I get from you all is spitting hatred"._

But Susan did understand how Lucy felt, for she was battling her own feelings inside. Sitting on a chair facing the window, she began to cry silently, for she now understood how they had all forgot who each of them really were, in such a short time.

Edmund also thought about what Lucy had said to him.

_"Oh well excuse me, take her side of course. Always on her side huh Edmund, and I thought you treated everybody fairly. Your supposed to be the Just King!"_

He knew the real reason behind Lucy's words. Edmund had yet again failed to back his sister up. He hadn't believed her when she had said that she found a land in a wardrobe; he had made fun of her calling her batty. Now again during the fight, instead of being the Just brother he should have been and trying to settle the situation, her grabbed her roughly and told her to be quiet. Guilt began to over take him just as it did with the others. But unlike the others he knew how to make it all right.

Gathering Peter and Susan into his room, they all began to discuss how they would make it up to Lucy. They all sat on Edmund's bed; Susan in the middle and her brothers on her sides.

"Do you think she'll forgive us?", Susan asked rubbing her eyes, still wet from her tears.

Edmund put an arm around Susan nodding his head to reassure her,"Yes I think she will, I mean she's Lucy."

"Yes, she's still Lucy, and that's what none of us have realized. We have treated her just like little Lucy, the girl who would cry if she got a scrape on her knee and not like Queen Lucy the Valiant who went to wars to protect her country. And its all my fault", Peter then began to break down sobbing into Susan's shoulder. Gathering him into a hug Susan and Edmund shared his grief.

"No Pete, we are also to blame", Edmund added.

None of them realized that a little figure hid in the hallway, leaning in the doorway, trying not to be spotted. She too began to silently cry, for she knew how much they were sorry, and she knew how much grief she had caused them. Mustering up all her courage she wiped away the loose tears, clutching the book she had read to her chest, she made her way into the room, slowly approaching her siblings.

It just happen to be that at that very moment Susan felt the urge to look up. Her tear streamed face met the icy blue and watery eyes of Lucy and a voice not her own escaped from her lips, "Lu?"

It was more of an unbelievable realization then a question.

At the mention of Lucy's voice Peter and Edmund looked up to meet the face of their little sister, no their Valiant sister, Queen Lucy.

The room was quiet, not a sound was heard from any of them; they just stared at each other.

That is until Lucy couldn't stand it anymore, letting the book slide from her grasp and crash to the floor she rushed to the now open arms of all three of her siblings. Susan began to cry again, but tears of joy. Peter kept repeating that he was sorry over and over, while kissing Lucy on the top of her head. Edmund spun her around just as he had done when the White Witch had released her claim on his blood. All four of them slipped to the floor, never letting each other go.

"Lucy do you forgive us?", Edmund asked looking into her eyes.

Lucy looked at each of her siblings realizing that, that particular week had been the longest, saddest, and worst one of her life.

"Of course I forgive you guys! But do you forgive me?", she asked with hesitation etched in her voice.

All together Peter, Susan, and Edmund stood up bringing Lucy to her feet. And what they were about to do made Lucy's day.

Smiling Peter put one hand over his heart and one hand up in the air, palm facing Lucy, "I High King Peter the Magnificent do forgive you Queen Lucy the Valiant, and promise to stick by your side till the day I die".

Susan copying Peter's hand gestures did the same, "I Queen Susan the Gentle do forgive you Queen Lucy the Valiant, and promise to be a better sister from now on until the day I die."

Edmund quieting his laughter and copied his siblings, "I King Edmund the Just do forgive you Queen Lucy the Valiant, and promise to stick by your side, promise to be a better brother, and do herby swear to treat you with the justice you so highly deserve, from now on until the day I die."

With tears threatening to spill over she wiped her eyes dry and stood up to face the three people she loved with all her heart, copying their gesture she began, "I Queen Lucy the Valiant do forgive you High King Peter the Magnificent, you Queen Susan the Gentle, and you King Edmund the Just. I promise to be a better sister, to treat you with the amount of justice all of you deserve, and do solemnly swear to stick by your side. By the grace of Aslan may he view these apologies as vows to stay true to the words we have spoken today as Kings and Queens of Narnia. Because once a King or Queen of Narnia always a King or Queen of Narnia."

The rest of the day was pure bliss for the Pevensie children. If you were able to walk into the story at this very moment you would be able to see the Pevensie children running around in the backyard, Peter would be trying to catch Susan and Lucy would be trying to catch Edmund; laughing until they couldn't breath. Once they were out of breath they would all rest under the blossom tree, relishing in the cool shade.

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_We finally made up._

_Peter, Susan, Edmund, and I all had fun in the sun today. I'm so happy, this whole week has been horrible without them. I never realized how much I would miss Susan's ramblings about boys! With the help of Aslan we shall endure until he allows us to go back to Narnia. There's only a month left until school starts again, but I'm now certain I will survive, because I will have my siblings with me. Goodnight to you._

Putting her diary under her pillow she rushed into the hallway, "Goodnight Peter, Goodnight Susan, Goodnight Edmund!"

"Goodnight Lucy", they all replied peeking their heads out of their doorways.

Laughing and smiling they all retreated to their beds, all leaving their doors open just in case.

All the Pevensie children slept peacefully, dreaming wonderful dreams of each other, Aslan, and of course...

Narnia.

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**So what do you think? Please review and let me know! :)**


	8. Father's Return

**Hello Everyone! First of all I would like to apologize for such a long wait! I have had so much on my plate recently and haven't found any time what so ever to continue this story. I actually wrote this chapter when I was supposed to be sleeping, so please excuse its horribleness. School work has just been piling up and I'm suppose to be graduating by June but if I don't hurry and finish I might not! So again you may have to wait a long while for the next one, honestly I'm running out of ideas with this story. One minute all the possibilities were flowing, the next I'm not even sure what the next sentence should be. It's utterly mind-boggling, I honestly hate this feeling! Second I would like to thank all of you for taking the time to read and review. It is because of you guys that I keep updating this story, and I love you all so much. You guys are like my friends now! Thirdly, if I haven't read or reviewed any of your stories lately I apologize for that as well. For some wierd reason I haven't been getting any notifications that you guys have updated your stories, so by pure happenstance I find that some of you had updated and I quickly read and reviewed them. If I haven't read your updated chapter(s) please PM me and let me know, if possible send me the link. Thank you. Well anyway I am going to stop talking, or typing in this sense so that you may read this chapter**

**Note: This whole chapter is Lucy writing in her diary. The sentences in Italics are her thoughts being written down on paper, the rest are appearing in her mind, as she is remembering the events of that day.**

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_Oh glorious day, father has returned to us. Susan and I were in the backyard under the blossom tree, Edmund and Peter were inside conversing over something in Peter's room; that's when father walked in._

"Susan, Lucy come inside quickly", mother called from the kitchen.

Both of us stretched our arms and legs, got up, brushed off our skirts and ran to the door, "What do you think mother is so excited about?", I asked Susan.

"Honestly Lucy I have no idea, it could be a number of things", Susan replied with a giggle.

_It was true now in days mother got overly excited about everything, burnt food, dirty shoes on the floor, guests._

_But what we saw when we stepped through the back door of the kitchen was something that I don't think crossed either of our minds._

_Sitting at the kitchen table, knapsack on the floor, army boots laced up and covered in dirt, was a tall muscular man. Peter and Edmund were sitting around him, asking him questions and it seemed they had already started a lengthy conversation with this man. Mother was wiping away tears, as she scooped up some leftover supper into a bowl. He looked somewhat familiar, as if I knew him from somewhere, but something_ was different.

"Father", cried out brushing past me to get to the man. "Is it really you father or am I just dreaming?", she asked tears streaming down her face. Enveloping her in a hug he said to her, "Yes it's really me Susan, you've grown so much."

Then his eyes settled on me. I hadn't moved from the spot, my eyes transfixed on the scene before me. Then a voice jolted me from my thoughts.

"Well Lucy, don't you recognize your own father", my mother said coming over to me and taking me over to him.

The man took me in his arms and settled me into his lap, "I'm sure she does, she wasn't to young when I left".

_Looking into his eyes was when I realized why I hadn't recognized him in the first place. When my father first left to go fight in the war, he left with an innocent look in his eyes, ones that were untouched by evil and horror, ones like my siblings and I had before we had found Narnia. Those pair of eyes were replaced by eyes that had seen lots of horrible things. Men dying all over the place, bombings, shootings, the horrors of war. His voice had a different sound too it as well, he sounded tired as if he had talked for weeks on end. Before he left it always had a sweet sound too it. His face was dirty and dry-looking, before his face was clean and cut. He looked like a man who had come back from_ _war._

"Yes I remember you father", I finally said. He smiled back and enveloped me in a hug. _Just not this way._

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_After dinner we all sat in the living room, mother doing her knitting, Susan helping her, Peter and Edmund having a game of chess with father, and I tuning in and out of the ongoing conversations between all of them._

"Lucy are you alright?", Edmund asked sitting next to me.

"I suppose its Peter's turn to have a go?", I asked staring at the wall in back of Edmund.

Edmund continued to stare at me then stare in the direction that I was so transfixed on.

"What are you staring at?", he asked looking at me. Shaking my head to clear me thoughts I looked up at him, smiled and said, "Nothing."

Then I got off of the couch and went over to Peter and father..._ I'm going to have to get used to saying that again. _Leaving Edmund a little dumbfounded.

"So Lucy what have you been up too since I was gone?", father asked capturing Peter's king for the second time in a row. Looking at Peter I gave him a questioning look_... Peter was really good at chess, we all were, why was he letting father beat him. Then I realized, oh yes we were really good, but in Narnia._

Lying I said, "Oh nothing much father, after coming back from professor Kirk's house we haven't done much here."

"So what you're saying is that you did a lot at the professor's house?", father asked looking up at me.

I could feel the color from my face drop, all my siblings eyes were on me. I could see Peter's color drain as well.  
"Well besides playing cricket, hide and seek, and reading there's not much to tell", I said stuttering a little.

"Oh well that sounds like loads of fun", father said smiling up at me.

I simply nodded my head and gave him a big smile. _The fact that I had almost implied about what we had done scared me, I mean father would never understand what we had been through. Well he did go to war and all just like us, but he didn't rule a country. Besides if we had told him about our adventures he would either think it was our imagination or that we were crazy. But that I couldn't tell either of my parents about what had happened to us was killing me._

"Oh that reminds me, I come barring gifts", father said walking over to his knapsack.

Bringing it over he unpacked it and spread out all the things he had brought. For mother a brand new dress, for Susan new shoes, for Edmund new books on astronomy, for Peter a brand new pair of binoculars, and for me... a doll.

_Out of everything he could have gotten me, I mean I'm grateful that he thought about me while he was a way but a doll!_

_I could feel my face fall as he handed it too me, it was really pretty and all, but I rather have a new pair of shoes or books or binoculars for that matter._

"What's the matter Lucy, don't you like it? I heard that your little friend next door had a bunch of them, and I thought you would like to have one of your very own", father said looking into my eyes.

_I wanted to say no, and that I was too old to play with dolls. But that he bought it for me so that I could be happy and play with it and enjoy it made me feel so guilty. And that he did it out of love killed me._

Looking back into his eyes, I gave him a big smile and hugged the doll, "I love it daddy, thank you so much". I clambered up into his lap and gave him a big hug and kiss on the cheek. I hadn't noticed until then that all my siblings had seemed to hold their breaths.

_The rest of the evening we talked and laughed, and the whole time I held the doll in my things I do for love. I'm going to try my best and enjoy the doll and its company, I will try to reflect on what it means... It was out of love from my father._

Closing my diary, I put the pen next to my lamp and hid the book under my pillow. Just as I was doing that father came in to tuck me in. Laying back on my pillow, he tucked the doll in next to me, its arm pinched and poked at my side, but I didn't complain. Planting a kiss on my forehead he said, "I'm so glad you liked the doll, I had second thoughts on getting you that, but when your mother told me about Natalie and how you two played with her dolls I finally gave in and got you it".

I just smiled and nodded, I wasn't going to say anything for fear I would say too much.

"Goodnight Lucy", father said tucking the blanket up too my chin, turned my light off, and walked out of my bedroom closing the door behind him.

When he was a good ways down the hall I sat up in bed got my diary out from under my pillow grabbed my pen and quickly wrote down... _Note to self, try not to be upset with mother!_

Grunting to myself I put everything away again, and settled down to sleep, facing away from the doll that was hogging half of my bed.

* * *

**Yes I know horrible right! Yes? No? Maybe so? Well instead of me guessing please review and let me know what you think of this chapter. Again everyone sorry for the long wait. **

**Thank you so much for reading! :)**


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